Dear Kelsey,

親愛的凱爾西，

I am happily married to a kind, good, sweet, loving, and laid-back man who I am blessed to have in my life. We’ve been together for 13 years and married for two. Then there is another man — one I’ve known since before I even met my husband. I’ll call him Josh.

我嫁給了一個(gè)善良、人好、甜蜜、有愛心和有基礎(chǔ)的男人，我很高興我的生命中能出現(xiàn)這么一個(gè)人。我們?cè)谝黄?3年，結(jié)婚2年。然后出現(xiàn)了另一個(gè)男人——在我認(rèn)識(shí)丈夫之前就認(rèn)識(shí)他了。暫且叫他喬希吧。

I’ve known Josh since high school, and we used to be in a relationship. Though it was one of the most tumultuous, dark, and painful ones I’ve ever experienced, I still love him and respect him a great deal. He is a very special soul — complex, vulnerable, and talented. We’d already broken up by the time I met my husband, but my lingering connection with Josh became an issue. I had no desire to be in a relationship with him again. I wanted to have a mature, platonic friendship. Still, he would send me flirty text messages, and I liked it. I had to admit to myself — and my future husband — that I was still attracted to him. At the time, Josh was in a bad place and his behavior became unstable. He acted like a fool and fucked everything up. I ended up having to cut him out of my life, which was incredibly difficult.

自高中起我就認(rèn)識(shí)喬希了，我們還交往過(guò)。盡管那是我談過(guò)最動(dòng)蕩、黑暗和痛苦的戀情，我仍十分愛他、尊重他。他很特別——復(fù)雜、脆弱而又有才華。在我遇見丈夫之前我們就已分手了，但我仍對(duì)喬希戀戀不忘，這成了個(gè)問(wèn)題。我不想和他再次戀愛。我想要段成熟、純粹的友情。但他仍會(huì)發(fā)給我一些輕佻的短信，而我還很喜歡。我必須向自己承認(rèn)——以及我未來(lái)的丈夫承認(rèn)——他仍然吸引著我。那時(shí)候，喬希狀況不佳，行為也不穩(wěn)定。他就像個(gè)傻瓜一樣，一切都弄得亂糟糟的。最后我不得不與他切斷聯(lián)系，這當(dāng)然是很困難的。

About a year ago, I agreed to meet with him so he could apologize and explain himself. That was hard for my husband to understand, but I went, and this time Josh was very sober and respectful.

大約一年前，我同意和他相見，這樣他就可以道歉并解釋一切。我丈夫難以理解，但我還是去了，去的時(shí)候喬希十分清醒也很尊重人。

Cut to today, and I find myself looking at his social media feeds lately — a lot. I miss him. I know I can’t talk to him, but looking at his images and work on social media gives me a strange feeling of closeness to him that is indescribably valuable to me. I have come very close to actually communicating with Josh online, and each time I have to remind myself how hurtful this would be to my husband. He would never understand, and I get that.

切換到今天，我發(fā)現(xiàn)自己最近總在關(guān)注他的社交媒體動(dòng)態(tài)。我想念他。我知道我不能和他說(shuō)話，但在社交媒體上看著他的照片和工作狀態(tài)給了我一種奇怪的感覺，感覺自己和他很親密，這對(duì)我來(lái)說(shuō)十分重要。親密到我差點(diǎn)和他在線交流，但每一次我都提醒自己這樣做會(huì)對(duì)丈夫造成多大的傷害。他永遠(yuǎn)都無(wú)法理解，我明白這一點(diǎn)。

I guess my question is, does checking on your ex on social media constitute cheating?

我想我的問(wèn)題就是：在社交媒體上關(guān)注自己的前任算不算出軌呢？

Sincerely,

真誠(chéng)地，

Social Media Cheater (Maybe)

社交媒體出軌人（可能）

Dear Kelsey,

親愛的凱爾西，

I am happily married to a kind, good, sweet, loving, and laid-back man who I am blessed to have in my life. We’ve been together for 13 years and married for two. Then there is another man — one I’ve known since before I even met my husband. I’ll call him Josh.

我嫁給了一個(gè)善良、人好、甜蜜、有愛心和有基礎(chǔ)的男人，我很高興我的生命中能出現(xiàn)這么一個(gè)人。我們?cè)谝黄?3年，結(jié)婚2年。然后出現(xiàn)了另一個(gè)男人——在我認(rèn)識(shí)丈夫之前就認(rèn)識(shí)他了。暫且叫他喬希吧。

I’ve known Josh since high school, and we used to be in a relationship. Though it was one of the most tumultuous, dark, and painful ones I’ve ever experienced, I still love him and respect him a great deal. He is a very special soul — complex, vulnerable, and talented. We’d already broken up by the time I met my husband, but my lingering connection with Josh became an issue. I had no desire to be in a relationship with him again. I wanted to have a mature, platonic friendship. Still, he would send me flirty text messages, and I liked it. I had to admit to myself — and my future husband — that I was still attracted to him. At the time, Josh was in a bad place and his behavior became unstable. He acted like a fool and fucked everything up. I ended up having to cut him out of my life, which was incredibly difficult.

自高中起我就認(rèn)識(shí)喬希了，我們還交往過(guò)。盡管那是我談過(guò)最動(dòng)蕩、黑暗和痛苦的戀情，我仍十分愛他、尊重他。他很特別——復(fù)雜、脆弱而又有才華。在我遇見丈夫之前我們就已分手了，但我仍對(duì)喬希戀戀不忘，這成了個(gè)問(wèn)題。我不想和他再次戀愛。我想要段成熟、純粹的友情。但他仍會(huì)發(fā)給我一些輕佻的短信，而我還很喜歡。我必須向自己承認(rèn)——以及我未來(lái)的丈夫承認(rèn)——他仍然吸引著我。那時(shí)候，喬希狀況不佳，行為也不穩(wěn)定。他就像個(gè)傻瓜一樣，一切都弄得亂糟糟的。最后我不得不與他切斷聯(lián)系，這當(dāng)然是很困難的。

About a year ago, I agreed to meet with him so he could apologize and explain himself. That was hard for my husband to understand, but I went, and this time Josh was very sober and respectful.

大約一年前，我同意和他相見，這樣他就可以道歉并解釋一切。我丈夫難以理解，但我還是去了，去的時(shí)候喬希十分清醒也很尊重人。

Cut to today, and I find myself looking at his social media feeds lately — a lot. I miss him. I know I can’t talk to him, but looking at his images and work on social media gives me a strange feeling of closeness to him that is indescribably valuable to me. I have come very close to actually communicating with Josh online, and each time I have to remind myself how hurtful this would be to my husband. He would never understand, and I get that.

切換到今天，我發(fā)現(xiàn)自己最近總在關(guān)注他的社交媒體動(dòng)態(tài)。我想念他。我知道我不能和他說(shuō)話，但在社交媒體上看著他的照片和工作狀態(tài)給了我一種奇怪的感覺，感覺自己和他很親密，這對(duì)我來(lái)說(shuō)十分重要。親密到我差點(diǎn)和他在線交流，但每一次我都提醒自己這樣做會(huì)對(duì)丈夫造成多大的傷害。他永遠(yuǎn)都無(wú)法理解，我明白這一點(diǎn)。

I guess my question is, does checking on your ex on social media constitute cheating?

我想我的問(wèn)題就是：在社交媒體上關(guān)注自己的前任算不算出軌呢？

Sincerely,

真誠(chéng)地，

Social Media Cheater (Maybe)

社交媒體出軌人（可能）